How to Manage Social Anxiety

Socializing with others is an essential part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle. However, social interactions can also cause a lot of nervousness and stress. Now, as we begin to socialize more in person after a few years online and distant, social events can be more daunting than ever. The holidays rolling around presents another opportunity for social stress as well. Family and other holiday related triggers can cause flares of social anxiety in even the most confident of people. Some level of social anxiety is normal- we all want to be liked and we all want to fit in with a group. Any socially conscious person is bound to have a few moments where they may regret their comments or jokes. However, when these moments happen more often than not, socializing becomes a fearful task. A fun dinner party can turn into a night of anxiety where every conversation feels like a new opportunity to make a mistake or say something “weird”. Public speaking can be a nightmare- all of those eyes looking directly at you! 

If any of this resonates with you, don't fear! There are many ways you can work to combat your social anxiety, and out systems in place that will aid you in having a stress free and happy holiday season. 

Step 1

One of the first steps to combatting any problem is having an understanding of exactly what that problem entails. Learning more about the definition of social anxiety can aid you in understanding what may help or hurt you in your journey to healing. One of the main criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder, as defined by the DSM-5 is a “persistent, intense fear or anxiety about specific social situations because you believe you may be judged negatively, embarrassed or humiliated.” Social anxiety is when social situations cause you more anxiety than excitement, or you find that you worry excessively about what others may think about you. In addition to researching the clinical definition, it may be helpful to ask others in real life or online if they have had any experiences with social anxiety. By comparing your experiences with others, you may be able to find more clarity about what is going on for you. 

Step 2

Now that you understand social anxiety in general, the next step is to understand your specific, personal experience with it. Being able to track and notice what triggers your social anxiety can help you make healthy choices, and fully prepare for social events that may be especially difficult! One way to understand your triggers is by taking notes of when your social anxiety is at its highest, or most intense. You can do this by hand, on the notes app, or whatever is easiest for you! The format is also up to you. One way you can structure your notes is taking down the date and time of a social anxiety flare, the situation that caused it, your physical and emotional symptoms, and what helped calm those symptoms down. By keeping a log of this information, you can look back and notice patterns in what causes you social anxiety, and patterns in what best combats it. 

Step 3

Now that you have an idea of what social anxiety looks like for you, you can collect a variety of tools that help you manage it. This toolbox will be personal to you, but here are just a couple of ideas to get you started on managing your social anxiety. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

One of the most helpful ways to calm your body down in social situations is by practicing a relaxation exercise such as progressive muscle relaxation. There are many different relaxation exercises out there, but this one is easy to do while in public, or in a social situation. At its most basic, this exercise involves taking deep breaths, then tensing and relaxing a specific part of your body, working up from the feet all the way to the face. By focusing on the feeling of tension versus the feeling of relaxation, you can both return to the present moment and release some of that anxious energy in your body. This is a tool that can be done without much preparation or without needing to step away from a conversation- you can simply take deep breaths while clenching and unclenching your hands, and focusing on the feelings that action brings. 

Ground in Your Surroundings

Another helpful and popular tool for grounding yourself in over-stimulating environments is to pick a color, and notice as many things as you can that are that color within your field of vision. This can help you bring your focus to something other than your anxious thoughts. If picking a color to notice doesn’t do the trick, you can take it a step further and practice the classic 54321 skill. This skill involves noticing 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can touch around you, 3 things you can hear around you, 2 things you can smell around you, and 1 thing you can taste. By engaging the 5 senses, you can shift your focus to the present moment. 

Self Care Post-Socialization 

After you have finished at a social event, it is important to allow your nervous system time to recover and recharge. This will look different for everybody. Maybe it will be most restorative for you to journal after a social situation, or call a trusted person to unpack the event, or maybe doing yoga to release pent up tension from your body. Whatever it is, make sure it’s something you can easily do after a long day or long night out. By engaging in self care after socializing, you signal to your body that socializing can be rewarding! 

Step 4

Another step in managing your social anxiety is to involve your loved ones in your efforts. If you let trusted people in to what is going on for you, you may be surprised at how you can really lean on those around you. It can be as simple as bringing a buddy to social events for emotional support, or devising a plan with your significant other to get out of a social situation if it becomes too overwhelming. 

Step 5

Finally, one of the most useful tools in managing social anxiety is therapy! If you are finding that anxiety management is too difficult on your own, or your anxiety is simply too big to manage without help, there is nothing wrong with enlisting the help of a mental health professional. There are many options for anxiety counseling in Chicago, and many formats to consider. It may take some shopping around, but the right therapist is out there for you, and can really aid in supporting you as you manage your social anxiety. 

If you’d like to work with one of our Therapistswe are currently accepting clients and you can reach us atOur Office. We provide a free 15 phone consultation to determine if we are a good match for one another. For more information on anxiety treatment check out our website at www.chicagopsych.org